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23 October 2015

First The Special Jackpot, Then The World

How To Become A Super Villain With EuroMillions (Part 1)

Want to be James Bond? Well let's face it; a big lottery win could get you kitted out like James Bond, quite easily. The suits, the watch (Rolex, Omega? Who cares?), the Sony electronics, the Walther PPK – even the Aston. Tomorrow night's EuroMillions jackpot could get you all that – with plenty of first class plane tickets and casino chips to spare.  For true stylistic ambition, however, you have to go with the super villains – and for that, you'll need a lot more cash!

How To Become A Super Villain With EuroMillions (Part 1)

Here at Lottoland we're all psyched for the November 6th EuroMillions Special Jackpot. Equally exciting is the pending release of Spectre, Daniel Craig's forth Bond movie and the 24th movie in, what is, without a doubt, the world's greatest action movie franchise.

Bond is all about the action, of course, because he always gets the girls. He's got all the cool gadgets too, not to mention all the best holidays, cars and lifestyle accoutrements – but what he doesn't get, though, is the best real estate deals.

The bad guys always get that, with exotic locales and elaborate bases that, even when compared to their comic book counterparts, are as impressive as they are outlandish.

If, like me, you're a megalomaniac at heart who always cheered for the Bond baddies then this article's for you. We take a look at some of Bond's most devious adversaries and ask how practical it would be for a Superdraw winner to follow in their footsteps!

#1 Your Name On A Blimp – Max Zorin

As Seen In: A View To A Kill (1985)

Ice Cube wasn't the only guy out there to get his name on a blimp, microchip mogul Max Zorin had one years before it was cool. Roger Moore's final outing as Bond may have been low on action and plot but, thanks to Christopher Walken as bad guy Max Zorin, had plenty of crazy. First he flooded the fault lines of San Andreas to create an earthquake (guess Max was a fan of the old Superman movie) then cackled with laughter while he sprayed his helpless workers with Uzi fire – he was an 80s businessman after all. The movie's climax saw Max making his escape in the Zorin blimp before he and Bond duked it out on top of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Estimated Price: A steal at just £130,00 meaning plenty left over to pimp your blimp!

Verdict: No self-respecting supervillian should be without a blimp! All that's left is to start doodling out your evil logo and machine gunning your minions. 

#2 Spectre Island – Ernst Stavro Blofeld

As Seen In: From Russia With Love (1963)

Spectre (Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion) is a criminal organisation under the command of evil genius Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Bond's most persistent and memorable adversary. 

With no political affiliation (East and West are "just points on a compass") the organisation is basically Kelly Services for the supervillian industry working providing recruitment and consultant services basis for various nefarious clients.

Spectre Island serves as their campus, of sorts, for training agents and assassins for undercover missions. Owning such an island is far less expensive than you might expect, however, we managed to spot a nice Scottish island – with a castle – for just £1.75 million.

Estimated Price: £5 million for island and castle plus staff, weapons and facilities.

Verdict: Pricewise it's quite doable, but good luck keeping it off Google Earth. 

#3 Crocodile Farm – Dr Kananga

As Seen In: Live And Let Die (1973)

Villain Doctor Kananga (Yaphet Kotto) was actually named after a real-life crocodile farm owner, Ross Kananga, the man who not only owned the farm used in the movie, but also served as Roger Moore's stunt double performing the famous stunt where Bond runs along the heads of crocodiles while they snap at his heels.

In the movie Doctor Kananga's farm was just a front for his real business, heroin, though crocodile farming, it turns out, is big business too. Crocodile leather, particularly for handbags, is in high demand – though mostly this demand is coming from emerging markets nowdays. 

Crocodiles are are more valuable for medical research purposes. Crocodiles have been around, more or less unchanged, for hundreds of millions of years and, as such, have incredible immune systems and recuperative properties. Their prehistoric DNA therefore offers huge potential for curing numerous ailments and diseases.

Putting a price tag on a crocodile seems immoral, though that scarcely matters to a supervillian. We managed to source 'gators for less than £100 while crocodiles are likely to cost you ten times that – but that still means you could get a swamp-full of them for under £50,000 (possibly less on the black market) and we also spotted a delightful lakeside farm in Hertfordshire for £2.1 million. It comes fully furnished, albeit without an internal monorail. Finally, you can get a fleet of ten Glastron speedboats – just the thing for chasing unwanted secret agents – for only £260,000.

Estimated Cost: Less than Ten Million.

Verdict: An excellent entry-level Supervillian package.

#4 Golden Gun – Francisco Scaramanga

As Seen In: The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Francisco Scaramanga, The Man With The Golden Gun, remains one of the memorable bad guys in the franchise. Not because the movie was all that great, but rather thanks to a sterling performance by the late Christopher Lee. (Lee was, in fact, Ian Fleming's step cousin, they became close friends and fought side by side in WW2.)

Scaramanga's gun was made entirely of gold, which sounds badass but, from a ballistics and metallurgy standpoint, makes no sense whatsoever. Gold is softer and far less heat resistant than steel, plus it's much heavier – making it a poor choice for an assassin's pistol.

A gold plated gun, on the other hand, is entirely feasible and has proven popular with many real-world super villains. Gold plated gun, in particular AK-47s, have proved popular with Mexican Cartel kingpins, Libyan bling-king Muammar Gaddafi and fellow dictator Saddam Hussein.

For golden bullets you can use titanium nitride, a metal of adamantine durability commonly used by gun manufacturers to give a gold-like finish. Your victims won't know the difference – they won't get a chance to!

Gold plated guns do exist but we don't know of anyone who has ever fired one. Theoretically you could get a micro-thin plating of gold for less than £25. That would be for a gram, less than the size of a micro SIM, and spread micro-thin over a small calibre pistol. The thin layer means the gun would still work perfectly, but the gold layer could be easily removed. Having a golden gun, therefore, is more aesthetic then practical, but it can be done.

Flying cars already exist, with companies like Terrafugia and AeroMobile having made working prototypes and now taking pre-orders. Finally, we also managed to source a Thai island you can buy for £5.16 million leaving you with plenty of money to invest in solar power and global domination.

Estimated Cost: £20 million (not including flying car costs.)

Verdict: The sexy and sophisticated – not to mention environmentally friendly – supervillain option.

#5 Underwater Base – Dr No, Karl Stromberg

As Seen In: Dr No (1962) and The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

What better way to shun humanity than to disappear beneath the waves like Captain Nemo and become entirely self-sufficient? And if you're going to do it then you've got to do it with style. So, although many supervillians prefer the high ground, to me nothing says intellectual superiority like an underwater base!

"One million dollars" – the eponymous villain Doctor No to James Bond, "you were wondering how much it cost."

Adjusted for inflation that's $7.88 million that's £5.12 million which, considering how elaborate the place was, with its own missile control room and nuclear reactor, it seems like he used his fair share of five-metal-finger discounts. Of course the computing power he required could possibly be all done on a smartphone.

Provided you're skipping the reactor as a power source, living under the sea is actually much cheaper nowadays. You can do so for just £1 million, as part of the Heart Of Europe Projects – that's if you don't mind neighbours and don't mind being in Dubai. If you want something a little more private you can spend £10 million on a H2OME.

If, on the other hand, you wish to become a true denizen of the deep like Karl Stromberg and his submersible fortress Atlantis, you'll need something mobile, and that's something you'll have to develop yourself, unfortunately.

If, on the other hand, all you're after is a fancy Doctor No style underwater dining experience then check out the Ithaa undersea restaurant in the Maldives, a large glass tunnel situated right at the bottom of the Indian ocean. You're looking at a grand just to eat there, but then if you're a true supervillian you'll have a way of running out on the bill, even on the ocean floor.

Estimated Price: Variable

Verdict: If all you want is a house at the bottom of the sea a Superdraw can certainly make that happen. If, on the other hand, you want a large, fully mobile, custom-built submarine fortress like Stromberg's Atlantis your Superdraw jackpot would merely be a deposit.

Goldeneye's On The Prize!

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